The View from Hell

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Archive for the ‘pragmatism’ Category

Is Suicide Difficult?

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A user posts a document cataloging first-person reports of a large number of suicide attempts:

I recently tried to exit using the helium method. I couldn’t stand it and yanked the bag off. The gas was NOT ‘innocuous and odorless’ as the Humphrys/Final Exit crowd had led me to believe. It felt like inhaling poison gas. Made me nauseous, headachey, and there was a terrifying feeling of falling through space. Now I am suffering, not from fear of death, but from fear of the ways of getting there.

And another:

I was in a coma for three days. I woke up in ICU with tubes everywhere. My first thought was one of annoyance at all the tubes. I immediately pulled the one from my nose, not realizing it was threaded into my stomach. I retched but out it came. The IVs in my arms were another story, my arms were tied with bandages to boards, and bending them was annoying that’s how I realized they had IVs in them. A nurse came over and spoke to me but I drifted in and out of awareness for the next few days.

When I finally was able to engage in conversation my cousin who is a nurse told me that had the paramedics arrived twenty minutes later they’d not have attempted to revive me….

So, that’s the unlovely story of my first and most serious attempt. I classify it that way because subsequent attempts have not resulted in anywhere near the same recovery time. I think it is because medicine is now better equipped to deal with such things, but I can’t be sure. What I am sure of is that I have never made a ‘gesture,’ I have always intended to die.


Written by Sister Y

October 8, 2008 at 8:23 am